I realized...

Realization of the present had been a regular event in my life lately. There is not a single day when I don`t get lost into deep thoughts, leaving everything else in a trash aside for a moment, wasting my precious time which earlier I used to utilize doing nothing. I spend enormous amount of time sitting in front of the computer screen with an earphone into my ears, just staring an opened webpage, no clicks, no chats, no typing, absolutely nothing. I have no idea about the tracks enlisted in the playlist. Sometimes the playlist gets over and the media player stops, I still keep looking into the screen, expressionless, until someone enters into my room and shakes me vigorously.

It feels like ‘The paranormal activity’ when I get back my senses back from the heavy ‘thoughtful sessions’. Ever since I`d left home, there had been a number of new dramas being started in life, none of them being the ‘happy ending melodious’ type. People either disappeared constantly or opened apart so widely that their physical presence became unperceived. I tried searching for a person with whom I could share, but failed each time. Secrets started accumulating inside, some of them being really dark that my soulless shadow sometimes felt scared.

Today I find myself quite comfortable talking to machines more than man. They never reply back though but are really safe as are leak-proof unless the reason includes some kind of human intrusion. I remember first time I blogged, it was not meant to renovate myself into a serious blogger, covering recent controversies, pointing out black holes in our education system or maintaining a personal dairy pubic to all. It was just an immature attempt to recall some of the qualities of people around me that could make them smile a little, which it did.

I made some more attempts though all got ruined in a way or other. But it gave me a dump-yard to lose some of the dark ones and experiences that I couldn`t share with a bunch of human beings. I figured out complexities in one`s personal file that observing or reading from another file, analyzing it and present a report is not of question today. That`s why the machines. And that`s how I eliminated ‘choking to death due to over loading of data inside me’ as a possible reason for my demise.

Today I start my day not with a small pray to God but getting a level up in ‘Mafia Wars’! I open my eyes, get my glasses over my nose, un-sleep my laptop, and get online; the next 30 minutes or so in front of screen and ultimately get off the bed. And the following day I spend seeking for gifts, boosts, energy packs or a couple of level-ups. As long as other activities are concerned, I utilize my time again in front of the screen with unfinished poems, articles, stories, mainly from personal experience like the present one. But the important thing is that, if I`m wrong by any chance, getting my life into fishy hell, I find nobody to stop me `cause what I find in every other room in this institute is nothing but just another ‘me’.