Isn`t it awkward...

A girl I saw today, I`ve seen her before

But not with the centers I`ve had that sand.

Insomnia followed that night, nerves jumped,

Only then I decided to write, emotions pumped

With hefty waves, no sight of nigh land.

Was rehearsing a song amidst all, standing queasy;

Her throat gave out blister pulses at times, when she smiled.

Bearing all others` fake grins, she muffled like a shoal petal,

Amongst a flock of beagles, she remained as the cutest fetal,

I whilst exercising work felt as going away whiled.

I`d heard a lot `bout, pictured a quite rough portrait,

Till date had just flown along with the wind, never had liked her.

‘Attitude’ being the top priority, haziness followed the next;

Exaggeratedly though I civil led her the prime suspect

But today that portrait appeared as a grievous cloud of blur.

Behind the glasses were her eyes, the most selfless ones;

Got no idea if it was a change or I`d ignored them earlier.

The way she said ‘sorry’ after each of her vocal commotion

Made me one of the gold fishes among the king of the ocean,

And indeed the waters now appeared very clear.

Rays met, expressions commuted, greetings delivered

Through the winter air, but as a tree I stood still.

Winds streamed past, echoed the sounds round the room;

There she smiled once and bowed the bliss before her gloom.

I blinked a bit late, only then could feel the chill.

She looked towards the ground lost in some thought

When a hair fell over her right lash, couldn`t be any prettier.

She stuck it behind her ear and looked back for a while

And she phoenixed back with confidence, her own charming style;

But in my visionary limelight still glowed her fairy hair.

On my way out, I eyed one last stare, no racy intention,

I could see her eye-balls moving as my feet, rayed bluer.

Was she trying to convey or it`s just my illusion?

Was it just another heart beat or hers into me intrusion?

Took the air away with the breaths growing deeper.

We don`t talk that usual, I couldn`t directly ask her what!

Considering one another just a formality,

I`m not a friend yet, nor though a lover,

I`m an atheist thus not a very good follower,

But this was the day I acquired morality.

With a ceding gesture I kneel ever since, before

A conjectural ‘no one’ for the existing ‘no one’.

It was necessary...

Experiment: Random Observation

Aim: To make a girl unlock the door of a train belonging to the Indian Railways.

Pre-environmental conditions:-

(1) The train had just arrived at some random unexpectedly small, rarely lightened railway station with 1 minute halt time somewhere in between Howrah and Tatanagar.

(2) It was the third hour of a chilly December morning, things are not clearly visible.

(3) Despite being a Sunday, subtracting the daily morning passengers comprising mainly of the 9 to 5 working class, there was a substantial number of heads seen in platform no. 2.

(4) Both the adjacent doors were packed with passengers going up and down, the only option available was the door just in front on us. Unfortunately it was locked.

(5) We asked the only girl sitting sleeplessly in the side lower berth right next to out targeted locked door. All the other preferable male passengers in the vicinity were in their deep mid-sleep.

Procedure followed by the girl eventually:-

(1) She looked shocked as if Brad Pitt himself had asked her to marry him.

(2) After a 10 second delivery of that surprised look, she finally took some action. She managed to place every streak of her hair in the right placed.

(3) Another 10 seconds had past. We knocked the door even harder to make sure that she is well awake from her wedding plans with Brad. She finally rose from her seat.

(4) As soon as we got a slight ray of hope, she started managing her clothing, her kurta pulled to her knee length, her overcoat pulled down accordingly to match well with the dress.

(5) 10 more seconds gone. The rush from others doors was reduced considerably. We looked out for our adjacent doors but some invisible force changed our mind and we decided to give her one more chance to save the entire female community to be called dumb.

(6) Finally she made her first attempt before we knew it was supposed to be the last when she opened her mouth, ‘How does this thing work?’ She was not a science student; we derived, and as she was not aware of the fact that sound could rarely travel through a 3 inch thick glass, moreover even if it did, a person fully loaded in an early December dawn break could never hear a word.

(7) After that she stood there like a goat who didn’t know what to eat next. That’s the moment when we resolved that is was indeed a goat. We looked out for the adjacent doors which were now opened but busy.

(8) I gave her a last optimistic look before leaving the front door, still goatish! The train started gaining pace when we hurried. No female creature with us caused us any apologizing eyes innocent as a baby. I felt like screaming immaturely ‘God she is cute’.

(9) I couldn`t do anything else other than smile even though was not in a very humorous mood after I was awaken up early that morning after a late hour sleep. But we definitely arrived at our conclusion after we`d given her a decent time to save the tag over her community.

Conclusions:-

(1) Cute girls are Dumb.

(2) It`s hard to deliver abrasive words to such girls no matter how crucially they deserve them.

I realized...

Realization of the present had been a regular event in my life lately. There is not a single day when I don`t get lost into deep thoughts, leaving everything else in a trash aside for a moment, wasting my precious time which earlier I used to utilize doing nothing. I spend enormous amount of time sitting in front of the computer screen with an earphone into my ears, just staring an opened webpage, no clicks, no chats, no typing, absolutely nothing. I have no idea about the tracks enlisted in the playlist. Sometimes the playlist gets over and the media player stops, I still keep looking into the screen, expressionless, until someone enters into my room and shakes me vigorously.

It feels like ‘The paranormal activity’ when I get back my senses back from the heavy ‘thoughtful sessions’. Ever since I`d left home, there had been a number of new dramas being started in life, none of them being the ‘happy ending melodious’ type. People either disappeared constantly or opened apart so widely that their physical presence became unperceived. I tried searching for a person with whom I could share, but failed each time. Secrets started accumulating inside, some of them being really dark that my soulless shadow sometimes felt scared.

Today I find myself quite comfortable talking to machines more than man. They never reply back though but are really safe as are leak-proof unless the reason includes some kind of human intrusion. I remember first time I blogged, it was not meant to renovate myself into a serious blogger, covering recent controversies, pointing out black holes in our education system or maintaining a personal dairy pubic to all. It was just an immature attempt to recall some of the qualities of people around me that could make them smile a little, which it did.

I made some more attempts though all got ruined in a way or other. But it gave me a dump-yard to lose some of the dark ones and experiences that I couldn`t share with a bunch of human beings. I figured out complexities in one`s personal file that observing or reading from another file, analyzing it and present a report is not of question today. That`s why the machines. And that`s how I eliminated ‘choking to death due to over loading of data inside me’ as a possible reason for my demise.

Today I start my day not with a small pray to God but getting a level up in ‘Mafia Wars’! I open my eyes, get my glasses over my nose, un-sleep my laptop, and get online; the next 30 minutes or so in front of screen and ultimately get off the bed. And the following day I spend seeking for gifts, boosts, energy packs or a couple of level-ups. As long as other activities are concerned, I utilize my time again in front of the screen with unfinished poems, articles, stories, mainly from personal experience like the present one. But the important thing is that, if I`m wrong by any chance, getting my life into fishy hell, I find nobody to stop me `cause what I find in every other room in this institute is nothing but just another ‘me’.

Unmarked wounds...

We shouted and shouted loud but nobody listened,

they kept blabbering but we with utter composure, attended,

but behind their backs when we conspired,

they kept thinking they were the kings and we the surrendered.

We ran and we ran fast but our hands nobody held.

Some of us trembled and hit a sudden halt,

the rest never stopped to look behind through the broken links;

but they kept blabbering, adding to the unmarked wounds some more salt.

We talked very little but as we did, every time we talked work;

never knew each other`s life, knowing oneself was out of the static.

confusions aroused and were solved right away within the community,

but they never stopped considering themselves as the most dynamic.

We played but every time we played to win;

stepping on each others` heads, aimed for the uncommon goals;

Directing us to the right heads, smash them,

they indeed succeeded proving us to be their soles.

We ate and we ate worse than a beggar,

strayed here and there, didn`t have anyone to ask for from;

while we ate the inedible, the gross,

with the acknowledgements, they toured from London to Paris to Rome.

We slept some nights but we slept like a kitten;

Papers over the face, books over the chest made breathing difficult,

read forty pages in a night`s time for a test the next day

and still they announced from each direction ‘Irregular study is your fault’.

We showed our faced 14 times of the 20 and they made us public,

transferred the entire lifestyle to the old people back home,

threw us at places, taking out sheer pleasure out of the act

as if from a bunny-sack, we were the pieces of foam.

‘You have indecent behavior’ they crowed for the full four years

One way or the other, never missed a chance to screw up our lives,

but the day we managed to create our own financial support,

the shameless creatures were the first in the ‘feel proud’ row.

All these years, we kept shouting but nobody listened,

they kept blabbering but we with utter composure, attended.

‘Swallow and vomit’ was the only lesson they ever taught,

And still they call themselves with dignity ‘The Heads of Departments’.

He had an aim...

We see a bunch a people of various stereotypes- a female child with a baby in her hands, old man with long and dirty grey beard, man with a decent dress-up that includes a tie and a black hand bag, woman with a huge bag and a child holding her hands, a young woman with a yellow slip in her hands (may be she couldn't speak) and many more- at our doorsteps in a hope that that they get something they needed in some form or another. But most of them are sent back without even opening the door, without even listening to them. Some of us even bring the word ‘Police’ in between in case it helps.

These people are treated this way mainly because they usually interrupt in some of the unavoidable jobs being done by the very punctual people inside. People can’t afford to miss the break-up scene of a couple in a daily soap neither some of them can lose a life or two in their favorite computer game. It’s a fact that mainly of these door-knockers are fake, but this has become a common conscience that all of them fall in the same category.

Later this morning, a door knock interrupted my deep sound sleep. I lazily managed to have a glance at the clock hanging just over me- 11:30 it said. Dad was out to his office, Mom probably in her class with some science geeks and my sister in her own class- I was the one who should have turned the knob. But it was too soon for me to get out of the bed on a cloudy December morning as it seemed outside the window- there was no considerable noise except that knock with a constant frequency. I calculated all sorts of possible people who might be the door knocker, eventually arrived at the conclusion that he mustn’t be any important person, any possibility of ‘he’ being a beautiful ‘she’ who could spend the rest of her life with a geek like me was out of question. So I ignored that knock till it stopped permanently which I regretted later.

In the evening I heard about what actually happened earlier this morning. The knock was not exclusive on my door, similar cases were observed by other people in the locality as well. That was a young boy in his early teenage asking for financial help from people so that he could complete his education. He told people that his mother, who worked at people’s house to earn her livelihood, had somehow managed to get him into a private school so that unlike his father, he might not end up being a drunkard and eventually end up his life under a running train. He further told people that he also did his level best to give her a hand by selling groundnuts in the evening. He also had a genuine identity card and a written permission from his school to try his luck with the people of India, spending their precious time doing precious things- enjoying a daily soap break-up with the whole family (children less than 12 included), while he had an exam the next day. People called his school to confirm that he was not of the regular type of knockers. His principle gave detailed information about his life, and supported him with his ‘eagerness to learn’ as his strength and his ‘hope’ from people like ‘us’ as his optimism. This helped him raise some amount at least from those who opened their front doors.

Later that evening I sacrificed some of my precious lifetime to think. That was the time when I realized that I was actually thinking and it broke one of my greatest misconceptions that I used to ‘think’ all through my life. Things were definitely moving around me; air, motion pictures, sound waves, living beings, but I was sure I couldn`t feel any of those, I felt everything inside me to be absolutely motionless all of a sudden. Though that didn`t last too long but I could feel thoughts coming in, going out of my tiny brain.

I realized the potential barrier faced by that category and eventually developed a sense of respect of those young ignited minds. I also realized my life to be merely aimless despite having all sorts of comfort and opportunities at various stages of life which I’d ignored one after another. Now whenever I remember that incident, each time I hate myself more.